10. Santa's Breath was on fire at the mall this year, yeah your fat a#$ knows who you are, I thought he was trying to put everybody under a spell with his toxic waiste breath. So I asked him for a new nose for the whole family.
9. I hate that nose on Rudolph, it looks like he has herpies. I won't let my daughter near him. Put some valtrax on it and see if he can guide the sled once his outbreak is supressed.
8. Macy's for Eighty Sixing my man TP on Christmas Eve (hold your head up my dude, they were paying you slave wages anyway, bastards!!!)
7. I'm sorry Macy's if you guys ever wanna do business call me.
6. The fact that my mom still calls Macy's..Hudsons, and I still say Marshal Fields, They change their names more than NAS.
5. The fact my daughter keeps pressing the same button on this Sesame Street Toy we bought her for Christmas, and I gotta hear Oscar the Grouch say the same thing over and over, its driving me crazy!! I think I might throw the batteries in the toilet and flush them.
4. When I deposit a check from a retailer and it bounces so high it gets stuck on the lense of one of those satelites NASA has in space video taping Mars, and we think there is life on mars, and they're trying to communicate with us by sending us a message in note form in red writting saying "Insufficient Funds".
3. When People Pull names for secret santa and don't bother to show up at the Christmas Party the next year, and you gotta look at that one unlucky bastard sitting there with the sad face while everyone else is hugging and opening gifts. Whomp Whomp Whooomp.
2. When I pay top dollar for something on Christmas Eve and go to the same store the day after Christmas and they're giving it away.
1. Finally I hate chain text messages for Christmas and the rest of the holidays. I don't want the same message you send to people that you hate and forgot to erase their number from your phone. Personalize mine some way put my name in it or something. Shouts out to Doc Hill and my cousin Danon for being the only 2 out of 2400 text messages to send me a personal Merry Christmas Text. Thanks to all for Supporting District 81. Merry Christmas and have a safe and happy holidays season.
No comments:
Post a Comment